Happy!

I am just remembering what it's like to be... really happy.

I feel really happy these days.  I feel positive, I feel healthy, I feel happy, I feel hopeful.

Now to harness that into some 'I feel productive'!

Slowly, slowly...

Sometimes I go through these wretched periods of invalidity---in the sense of being made an invalid, and then having to go through the slow process of regaining health afterward. I wish I knew what caused these episodes, or how to prevent them, but instead I have to bravely keep putting on foot in front of the other, breathing deeply, moving on.

I have been slow these last few weeks. I have been sad and angry and happy and loving and depressed. Not so different from anyone else, I think. But I have also felt as though I am constantly three weeks behind where I want to be, need to be, should be, and the running after myself, the waking up feeling as though it's already time to go back to bed in preparation for another day... that's draining, physically and emotionally.

When I say, "I know other people have worse problems than I do; I don't understand why I can't be happier, healthier; I don't understand why I get so upset," my mother always tells me that no one can really understand anyone else's life; their feelings, their hurts, even their happinesses.

So I am recovering on my own time, at my own pace, and no one is more frustrated about the slowness of the process than I am, but I am also trying to practice kindness toward myself, and love, and forgiveness. One day at a time.