Ease

I thrive on change. I really do. There are things where I love consistency, like good coffee at my favorite cafe, knowing that my favorite movies will make me laugh or cry, and waking up in the morning to know that I won't have a huge blemish somewhere on my face--these things, I like to know what's coming. But with work, travel, the people you meet the people you see, I must say I love the variety. But I am having, more often than not, these days where I have an epiphany, and something will suddenly make sense and make me realize why I am feeling the way I feel.

First off, I'm surprised how the past few days I am not stressing over the things that I have no control over. You know how they say the more you worry about money the less you have? It may be one of the teachings of "The Secret," but I have finally put that to work. I'm not used to 'not worrying.' In fact, those two words do not go together in my mind. Work is another one of those "Hey, don't worry--it will all fall into place" things. Funny, I have absolutely no problem saying that to my friends and believing it on their behalf. When friends come to me with worries, I really think all will be well and do not give it another thought. What if I apply this to myself?

I like my job. Well, the work I do I like. I like the people I work with. But.....what can I say? I double guess myself, do not get paid much, and find myself coasting and having a hard time focusing. Then I rationalize it by saying, well, I do not get paid much. I know that this is felt at work--sometimes it is very hard to hide your energy. And it is scary to think the work I decided I wanted to do is not fulfilling me the way I want. Is it the work? Is it me? Is it the environment? Am I a lazy bag? Or am I just beating myself up? One thing I have discovered is that your job, a job that you truly love, even if it may be stressful at times or high paced, should have some ease in it. Work and ease? Yup. At this point, I am willing to do something completely different. I have to admit I want to change my line of work for more money, but I am okay with that. I just want to find that ease.

I like the change. I have decided to embark on a new city overseas. A new environment. A new job. A new life. Everything will be different and new, from the way the money will look in my wallet to the way people speak and the side of the street they drive on. Instead of filling me will fear it gives me a sense of ease. There is something lovely about the notion of leaving one world behind to enter another. If one world is not working for you, even if you gave it a good shot, then go to the next world. I gave it a good shot here, and want to see how I'll work in another environment.

I the meantime...I look forward to finding out what what will fit in the suitcase and where that suitcase will end up.