Rumors of my Demise have been Greatly Exaggerated

Wow. I haven't written here in over a month. And what a month it's been.

I have decided to stop letting life happen to me. I am taking control. I am watching what I eat and what I drink and how much I sit around. I am sending out query letters. I am writing. I am inspired. And almost as soon as I start making one change, so many other changes follow in the same direction. It's amazing. And it's something I should know about myself by now.

I am a bit of a control freak (in my head, I hear my husband laughing, saying 'a bit?!') and when I start to let things slip out of control, I have a tendency to give up entirely. Can't write? Well, better eat whatever the hell I want and drink whatever the hell I want. Eating too much? Well, may as well sit around watching TV on DVD all day, right? It's depressing. But it's nothing new. Because I have always, always been this way. And it's not depressing, because it can all be turned around, just as swiftly.

I sent my first query letter. The next couple of weeks I spent a lot of time soul-searching, thinking about myself. And I realized there were a lot of things holding me down, holding me back. Some of them can't be changed, and I know it. But others can. It is easy to drink more water in a day. It is easy to choose carrots over chocolate, at least six days a week. I mean, it's not even a struggle---I love carrots. It is even easy to sit down at my computer and really write for a page or two or five. Easy AND fun. When I am sad, everything becomes a tragedy. What a pathetic way to live. I am not a victim, and I don't want to live as though I'm one.

I am happier in these last few days than I have been for weeks. I feel cleaner. I feel inspired.