Handling Disappointment

I promised to write more often, so here I am. Writing. More often. I also promised to write about my experiences with Script Frenzy. So I will.

First, I should say this: I don't handle disappointment very well. It's a character flaw I've been aware of for years, and that I've been working to overcome--or at least minimize--for a long time. I'm a perfectionist, and no one's standards for me could be higher than the ones I set for myself. This is why I've been editing a novel for four years. This is why I have real trouble when it comes down to the nitty gritty work of, say, sending in query letters. It's not so much that I'm afraid of rejection... it's that even when other people--people whose opinions I trust and value and respect--tell me my work is excellent, I'm still not convinced in my own head. All of this began weighing very heavily on me last week, and sent me into a spiral of I-don't-want-to-get-up-from-bed-and-face-the-world despair. I was caught in the tragic cycle of second guessing everything, and feeling disappointed with myself to boot. Oh, disappointment. The most useless of feelings.

I didn't do much writing last week. I didn't do much of anything, really. Sad, but true. This week promises to be better. My screenplay is solidifying in my head, even though very little has made it to paper. Instead of being upset with myself for this perceived failure, I think I'll just look at it as a challenge and go from there. I'm behind about 20 pages. I have a stack of things to edit for others. I have a couple of other pieces I need to write. I have a novel to think about. I am busy and productive, and I will not beat myself up based on nothing more solid than expectations that may or may not be real and relevant. I will not allow disappointment and depression to win the day. Even if I don't reach the height of my potential today, hey, I managed to get out of bed. I ate cereal. I updated my blogs. Baby steps.